Wednesday, Cloudy, Cool...Nice Though

Better sleep last night than the night before, just the way the 70's are I guess from all the comments I hear and see.  Been better at chess lately, I usually win about 55% of all the games I play but right now I'm hot and doing about 2 out of 3 to a win.  I LOVE the new chess site...

Day Three

God,

Wires

Telephone/Internet

Country

Family

Or is it the other way around?

 

Me To Support Person: Hell?Oh! (said just like that)

Support Person: I can't hear you, please call back. Click.

Me to me: Shit! Shit! Shit! God-Damnit! That's EXACTLY WHY I CALLED!!!!

Damn it! This whole story is a convoluted MESS. Bypassing God, who obviously had NOTHING to do with the fucking Internet, wire and the Telephone Companies and ISP's sent to vex us daily, hourly and secondly even. The fucking DEVIL himself could NOT come up with this if he was given a fucking eternity in which to devise it! Fuck, fuck, fuck. It goes like this...Monday morning at Morgan House finds me yawning as I open up the cat-protected laptop that I can't leave on or even asleep at night as the fucking KATS climb on it to do searches for Kat Porn and Mouse Cuisine Hints...so I always close the shell (at least) and let it sleep the night away while the damned Kats, evil as they are, sit and stand and lay on it's top. Beats the keyboard! I click the damned "e" icon which is Internet xplorers signal to open up and do something and instead of getting the screen of pages "ce normal" I get each page with a Can't Reach The URL posting from IE. Oh shit, the router/modem has gone to hell again. Upstairs to reset said devices...19 steps hard won up, 19 steps down hurting my hips which barely work anyway. Still nothing, then in coming email strikes, I hear the stupid announcement bell and look and yes, email is there with it ending at 6:31am, it is now 8:20. As expected. Nothing after 6:30am. So it's (the "it's" is the fucking Internet and associated equipments) Down...which is the opposite of UP. Up is the location of Heaven as they tell it, Down is the domain of Satan where in this story swarms. Fuck!

08:34 After acquiring a cup of strong coffee and peeing equally strongly (usual activities I avail myself of first thing in the morning) I set out to figure out what the hell is going on here.

0930: 1 hr in I've listened to the phone and hear crackle, pop!, snap! Buzzzz...then almost quiet. I run upstairs, 15...`16...17...18...19. The nice ADSL Netgear modem is still blinking the ADSL indicator hunting (in vain apparently) for a signal amidst the storm of noise from Hell. The Internet LED is Lit!!!! Yippee!!! Back downstairs to my trusty Laptop Investigative Unit and punch up Reload on a couple of the urls thereon. No luck...look at the lil' icon in the right corner says we're ON (The Internet) supposedly, but NO WAY, Nooooooo. 16...17...18...slip...19 and no...the ADSL lamp is flashing but there is NO INTERNET lamp lit now. Shit! Fiddle around with more shit for the next hour,

10:30: Vacuum the kitchen, now it's hour #2 and I'm feeling guilty for not prying up the bathroom subfloor...so go do that for 20 minutes to ease my guilty but unreliable conscience. I hear an incoming email! I do a slo-mo jump to my feet which takes about 30 seconds, Oh Joy. Up...and when I click Reload on any page it fails...Grrrrr. 15....16....17.......18.........19 Yes the light is not on. Grrrrrrrrrrr. So I call my Isp at the beginning of Hour #3.

(There goes an Infinity Truck)

1:30pm: I call the Sonic.Net phone number for Support. Click, pop, squishhh, snap! A recording with a very realistic sounding tone of male voice announcing "Welcome to Sonic.Net, calls are click! recorded SAsssnap! for quality assurance...Buzzzzzz", nice reassuring words with noise afixed for added enjoyment. Continuing, the voice says "We Snaaappppp! Crackle! offer click, snap! members...self...click, buzzzzz...options buzzz...self service" The highlight of this part of the overall message is the phrase "If you have Internet", which, of course is moot at this juncture.

Huh? He rattles on through the thicket of extraneous buzzes and the line fills with some modern techno music, ethereal (like the sounds of heaven) and rattling with the vibrato of hell, The Noise. I next am informed that there is a call back feature and that there are 24 members holding and the estimate til they get with me and my lil' problem will be 15 minutes..BUT, if I push a 1 button at the next message and two other 1 buttons subsequently I can enter the purgatorial "Callback" zone whereby I wait til THEY call me. It repeats my phone number to me and I'm now waiting, not patiently. Nothing changes either...14....15....16....17....18.....pant....19, the Inet comes and goes from the modem, The Noise remains and I go back 4.....3.....2.....1... to mop the kitchen floor of various orange juice and pea soup spillages and further detritus but only AFTER I vacuum the floor as I was taught by my beloved wife/helpmate, even while she is not here. I go outside to check the drop box on the east side of the house...the "drop" is the ancient telephone line coming from the sky and those wires up there where God put them, they are that old. When God created (according to ancient legend and a part of the Bible that is revered around the world but that was removed by King James as part of his plot to fuck over the Catholics, even though they later adopted the KJ Bible anyway, eh...they're Catholics, oh the Guilt!) the World he also created wires. Steel ones for holding up wooden poles and clotheslines, hemp ones for the holding of boats to docks and to smoke, and, of course, COPPER ones to hold birds, the Internet and electrical power necessary to power the ancient light bulbs. Where was I? Oh yes

7pm: After dinner reading and chatting period begins with absence of all Inet Video streams (no chance!), lots of calls from Jane the Beloved and an early shower and bedtime to read alone in the dark lit only by the Kindle.

Tuesday. Same shit as yesterday with more calls and erratic emails for assistance at SONIC. I finally pull off all attached phone lines from the box, Kelly takes me first to Home Depot for new telephone wire and a couple of jacks to use to replace the one I found that had Mouse snot to cover the gold plated wires that I was plugging into upstairs and one for the DropBox outside so I could hook up an old fashioned ANALOG phone (Bought at Goodwill with all new wires too! for 5 Bux!) (ah!!!) to the box to listen to The Noise of Hell without the awful offending house lines confusing the Issue. I hook up the jack to the crisp (and remember God Created) ATT drop wires (after much chopping off of uninsulated sections) and l'viola..that's Wah-La to you non-French speakers, I have Hell on the phone! I call back nice, friendly SONIC.NET support AGAIN to inform them of my hellish discovery.

ME: HI, HOWARD FROM KELL12 AGAIN...

SUPPORT (NAME NOT INCLUDED BUT A FEMALE AS GOD CREATED THEM): I CAN'T HEAR YOU, PLEASE CALL BACK. CLICK!

ME: WHAT! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT I SAY INTO THE NOW NEAR SILENT PHONE, DAMNIT! YOU HUNG UP ON ME WHEN I WAS DOING WHAT I WAS TOLD TO DO! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! Pop! Sputter, Buzzzzzzz, snapp!

Call again SNAP!! after sending damning email to Support@sonic.net telling of this insult. Shit, shit, shit. So pissed!! Do a "Callback Feature Option From The Devil" again, 1,1,1 not 6-6-6 and the phone doesn't ring and doesn't ring. Fuck, fuck, fuck!!! Hmmmmm Tuesday is about finished and I have dinner to make and it's breakfast-for-dinner and my task is to create Ham and Eggs and Hash Browns From A Box...damn that last bit and the eggs "over easy too", no omelets here tonight. I'm assured by yet another call from SONIC.NET that ATT will be here between 8am and 8pm tomorrow (Day 3). I hang up. RINGGGG! It's another SONIC SUPPORT person (male) apologizing for the lost call and the insulting hangup. Ohhhhhhh. Why these damned dry potato things anyway? I can fry potatoes that are 10X better than this shit.

11:08 No AT&T.
At 12:00pm:

BEFORE AT&T