The Garbage Disposal...

On another front, have you EVER had a garbage disposal blow up?  I have one sitting now on the kitchen floor that has done that.  The upper housing has cracked and oh does it LEAK!  Pours our garbage pieces and pieces of itself too!  Sooo I went online found it’s identical replacement for 80 bux BUT it isn’t available in the @##!@!! store though THOUSANDS have apparently used this one for many years...but to get one, I’d have to WAIT for 10-15 days!  Shit, shit, shit.  Fukin’ Home Depot!  Bastards do, however have the NEXT MODEL up in the scheme with nothing about it that would improve anything but it is 99 Bux.  It is available (of course).  So I order it online and pay for it amidst all the calls for Immediate Repair from other quarters of the house I occupy.  I print out the required paperwork PROVING who I am and that I, indeed, DID order it online and am instructed to BE SURE TO BRING THIS PAPER WITH YOU WHEN YOU COME TO PICK UP the fuckin’ thing.  Oh and have a proof of ID and the damned Credit Card you used.

Sure, no problem.  First install some new ink cartridges in the damned printer and align the stupid thing, then print the email they sent with all the notices and documentation requirements and take all of this downstairs to set at my place on the flat surface we call a “dining” table for tomorrows “first thing”.   Sure.  So I sleep the sleep of angels (DO THEY EVER SLEEP???)  and awake at 6am, gain some two cups of espresso, wake my darling housemate as she must go a shopping today in Vallejo for our eBay store...every Wednesday without interruption.    She gone in a poof, out the door, into the car and the dust settles.  I grab my keys, grab the papers I have so carefully set down at my place on the flat surface, grab my wallet from the hook in the Kitchen, go out the door, set the alarm system with a click and off to my truck I go.  Off to HD to pick up the new disposal.  Upon arrival some 10 minutes later, I go to the nice lady and went to give her the papers which I had stuffed in my pocket all nicely folded into a tight little oblong paper-thing.  No oblong.  What!?  Shit, shit, shit...must have dropped it coming out of the car...”oops”, I say and return to the truck, nothing on the ground, dig out my keys and open the door, nothing inside!  Shit, shit, shit. Under the seat somehow...nope. Damn! So back in the store I go to stand now in a line 10 persons deep!  Shit!  Eventually...20 minutes later I am received by the nice, young lady again.  “Can I help you?” she says.  “Yes, I’m here to pick up the garbage disposal I ordered online last night.  “ She looks at me, “can I see the sheet of paper you printed?”  “No”, I said, explaining “I must have lost it somewhere along the way”.  “Oh”, she says staring at me with an empty expression on her face.”  “Well, you’ll have to print it again and come back.”  I say..”Wrong answer...here’s my credit card that I used to purchase the thing and here’s my ID.”  “Yes, but you NEED to have the paperwork”.  “Why?”  “Because that’s the only way I can prove you actually bought it online”, she replies.  “I’m standing here, I bought it...I cvould walk down the aisle and pick one up and bring it to a cashier, couldn’t I?”  “Yes”, she says “You could.” Fuck!  “Why don’t I do this then when I get home I could go back online and CANCEL the order...right?” “Yes”, she says flatly.  Then I spy the damned box about three feet away sitting on the floor...with a HUGE BLACK “LUTE” written on top.  “It’s right there”, she turns and looks. “Oh, yes, it matches the ID and credit card, doesn’t it”.  “Not exactly...missing a few things, numbers, letters!!”  “I need the paperwork she say sitting the box before me on the counter.”  I walk off, go down the plumbing aisle, there it is “Badger 500”.  I grab one of the stack, walk to the mop department, grab a mop-thing and go to a cashier and stand in another line 10 people deep.  Another swell looking young lady person come up to me and says “You could use the self-checkout, you only have 2 items, it’ll be quick.”  I just stare at her.